For many years I struggled with the goodness of God. In my head I thought I knew God was good, but for many difficult years, my heart still struggled to understand how a good God could allow such bad things to happen to me and my family. Slowly after long years, I began to see changes within my own heart that I knew would not have occurred if life had been easy. I began to see that some things did work together for good, but still I could not see that ALL things worked for good.
Then one morning I was praying, begging, and complaining to the Lord; in a state of weariness after a long, difficult, night, I desperately needed the hope and faith to believe that God was really good in ALL things. My prayers were answered when it occurred to me that I might not ever see the good in ALL things, but just because I couldn’t see the good in everything didn’t mean good didn’t exist. As I thought about the truth that the Lord just revealed to my heart, I thought about the times that I acted in what I thought was the best interest of my children to protect, teach, or train them. There might be some things that they would never understand completely, but it doesn’t change the desire of my heart to do what was best for them. I was reminded of the scripture in both Matthew and Luke: If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Perhaps God was working ALL things for good in my life even if I might not ever completely understand the good in ALL things. However, I realized that God was truly good and whether I believed it or not did not change the truth of God’s nature. God was good even when the circumstances of my life did not measure up to my standard of good. I was measuring God’s goodness based on my own small sphere of understanding and experience, but peace and acceptance of God’s goodness is a matter of faith in a sovereign and omnipotent God. It is a faith that we cannot achieve ourselves and so I realize that what I thought was a revelation was actually a gift of faith – faith in a GOOD and LOVING GOD.