I read these words posted by Ryan Sprague and the memories come flooding back, “In that moment I was more disappointed that my cereal would get soggy than I cared about my child.” Ryan’s post about Soggy Cereal reminded me of a very similar incident and my heart breaks to remember how my selfishness often robbed me of the joy of caring for my son.
There was a time when I cried, “Why me, Lord?” with a clenched fist and an a confused, angry heart, but when I read about Ryan and his son Caedmon I once more find myself whispering the words in humbled awe and adoration, “Why me, Lord? Why me?”
I remember people telling me I must be special for God to choose me to parent a handicapped child. I didn’t think much of the comments, in fact, I usually thought it was a trite expression people used because they could not understand or explain why such hardships and hurt existed. Most of time I thought they were glad it was me and not their daily burden and to think God only gave such hardships to special people helped relieve them of the guilt of such feelings.
The truth is hardships and trials come in all shapes and sizes and they are often God’s way of exposing our hearts so that we can get a glimpse of our true nature. It is surprising how highly we…how highly I…think of myself until I see my true nature exposed. Parenting Justin was one of the most difficult seasons in my life and God used him many times to reveal the true nature of my broken, sinful heart. He uses many other things to teach the same lessons in the lives of others and those hardships are just as difficult, but I am awed and blessed when I hear other parents of handicapped children relating some of the same experiences. We may not be special but God has placed some very special children in our lives and reading Ryan’s post reminded how richly we – how richly I – have been blessed.