I write….and a week passes….and then another week passes…and I think about the things I’d like to share on my blog – lessons of gratitude when skies are dreary and winter weather dampens my spirits and lessons of grace, spending, and pouring out for others when my selfish heart doesn’t feel generous.
Long work days pass and tasks that I can’t avoid consume my time and I think about unwritten blog posts and the final edited version of my book that has waited ten days and continues to wait for just one final proof read before formatting and I wonder….What does this pouring out of my soul…this putting of ink to paper or sending words to cyberspace…what does it cost me? Is it worth the anguish? I carve out precious moments of time and battle to mentally silence the noise of other undone tasks while I put thoughts to words that fill the blank whiteness of my computer screen…and when I can’t determine what could or should be left undone – even in retrospect – then I must apply Band-Aids of grace to a silent heart that yearns to speak…and again I wonder….Do the words I write sing with the message of the gospel? Is it the good news of the gospel and the good news of grace that compel me or is it selfish ambition? And what prevents the good news from flowing through me? Is it me, circumstance, or providence? Is the message of the gospel still evident in my life when I am silent?
Last week as I was lamenting unwritten words, I found myself considering the cost – both in time and money. My weary heart wondered, “Does it make a difference”? And while I think these thoughts the words of the song We Have A Savior by Hillsong play in my head and my heart hears, “Jesus, Emmanuel, here with us. Tell all the world, We have a Savior, we have a Savior” ….Tell all the world, we have a Savior…The words continue to echo in my head and overflow my heart and I want to shout, “It is worth any cost!” Even if it cost everything – time, money, relationships, job …everything. If I get tangled in the message or my thoughts are unclear, still I must try to tell all the world and trust that the message that echoes in the hearts of others rings true and clear – empty of me and all glorious to Him.